Book Review - Self Made Man by Norah Vincent

Over the course of 18 months, Norah Vincent lived life as a man and wrote this book to document the experience. Vincent is a lesbian, which makes the project even more interesting. She begins by consulting makeup experts and choosing a wardrobe. And then she sets out to find out what it is like on the other side of the sexual divide.

Over the course of the eight chapters of this 286 page book, her alter ego Ned joins a bowling league, goes online for dates and gets a job at an assortment of high-pressure sales firms. She even lives for a time at a monastery and joins a men's group on a retreat, at which she is fearful that the men will find her out and try to kill her.

This book is a fascinating look from the outside into the man's world. Vincent does not always get things right (she has a tendency to generalize), but she does offer some great insights into the difficulties of being male in 21st century America.

"I passed in a man's world not because my mask was so real, but because the world of men was a masked ball. Eventually I realized that my disguise was the one thing I had in common with every guy in the room. It was hard being a guy."

Her adventures as the worst bowler in an all-male league are quite entertaining and unexpectedly (for Vincent) poignant.

"They were far more generous with me than they had any reason to be, and it was only after a couple of months when they got to know me a little better that they felt free enough to kid me now and then about how much I sucked, letting me in.

"I could never have predicted it, but part of me came really to enjoy those nights with the guys. Their company was like an anchor at the beginning of the week, something I could look forward to, an oasis where nothing would really be expected of me."

That's the way guys are, to be sure. Women just don't understand that we really can spend hours together and talk about nothing, just enjoying what we are doing.

But Vincent does gain an understanding of the other half, and her insights are thought-provoking. For example, one is struck by the thought that, even given our vast differences, men and women have done a pretty good job of learning to live together. Perhaps some of these lessons could be used to help understanding between cultures or races. Taking the time to live as the other person leads to better understanding and tolerance of differences,

Overall, I enjoyed the book and encourage people to read it. Both genders will gain from it.